It was Tuesday lunch hour. I was having lunch with my colleagues. Four girls. In the middle of lunch one of them received a call from her boyfriend. He was asking how her lunch is. I figure that from their tone of conversation.
It was Thursday lunch hour. The same group of colleagues. And the same girl got another lunch call from her boyfriend. Again asking how the lunch was.
It was Friday lunch hour. The same group of colleagues. The same girl got another lunch call from her boyfriend. But her tone was not like someone who was happily expecting a call from her boyfriend. This time I teased her. I told her that I never know lunch time is her reporting for duty time ;-D.
To my surprise, she said that she is a bit annoyed to get that kind of call every single day without fail. Dependent guy bores her she said. Haha! Now boyfriend has become bore-friend.
I have met the boyfriend in person a couple of times. He is really a nice guy. If he is not dating my colleague, I wouldn’t mind if he is interested in my sister. But I’m not sure if the constant lunch calls are able to keep my sister interested.
This is where most guys do wrong. Instead of coming across as caring and sensitive, they come across as clingy and needy. Instead of creating the effect of being a caring boyfriend, they accidentally being perceived as being too intrusive early on in the relationship.The relationship that these guys want to build eventually becomes relation’shit’.
So how do we solve this problem?
Timing.
Early on in a relationship, it is more important to be (or appear) strong than to be sensitive. Six months in a relationship does not require a person to vomit I-LOVE-YOUs every single day. You also do not have to check on your girlfriend’s temperature from afar every single day. 😀
Being strong is related a person level of assertiveness. Assertiveness means how confident you are to put forward your expectation from others in life.
One of the test should be this: you go to a restaurant, ask for a medium rare steak but you were served a well done steak. Will you just chew the steak because you do not want to offend the cook and the waiter who served you? Or will you ask for a replacement steak nicely from the waiter?
Being assertive means being a dominant man. And girls will naturally want to follow a dominant man’s lead. A dominant man who knows what he wants in life. A dominant man that knows others will give him what he wants in life because he deserves it.
Doesn’t that sound like you?
The other solution to this problem is to avoid routines early on in a relationship. The girl does not need any obligatory goodnight call from you when you have just gone out on three dates with her. She also does not need you to bring her flowers for the first date to the fifth date.
She surely need some surprise here and there. Why don’t you use the wonder of Google algorithm to figure that out:-D
So far I have shared two solutions to avoid becoming a lousy boyfriend.
Do you have any opinion on what makes a guy a lousy boyfriend? Or how to avoid being one?
Let me know in the comment box below…
P/S – You can also send resumes to have me as your girlfriend’s brother
Hihi..KC memang KC. Observant as always.
Cuba dengar lagu-lagu dendangan Kartina Dahari? Mesti perempuan cair bila dia tahu u dengar lagu-lagu tu.
hurmm…
and i used to have a girlfriend who would be mad at me for not calling or sms every single morning, afternoon, evening and before sleeping…
owh yeah, i don’t think i can fit in the description to be your little brother in law despite being older than you…hurmmm…isn’t that ironic…kalau aku kawin dengan adik ko, aku tetap jadi adik ipar walaupun aku ni tua dari ko…hurmmm
Hey there, stumbled on your blog from a friend’s blog, TS Lim. Have to say, you’re correct! Timing is the key. Though there’s the other factor known as the female mentality(or maturity?). As mentioned in the above comment, there will be girls that NEED a guy to be, as a friend has mentioned to me before, ‘sticky’. Normally these are the girls you find to be adorable at first & a pain later on.
Unfortunately, I can’t provide more opinions on this matter since you already gave very good ones. Good writeup!
hang punya hipotesis tak bole pakai pada semua orang.
but if you don’t prefer routines, you have to be very good at surprises and spontaneous (all the time) to keep the flow of the relationship.
Some routines are ok i think…not the perfunctory ‘reporting’ time every night before sleep or everyday before lunch but maybe one that both of you would agree to always do as long as you’re together. 🙂
@Z.A – “Cair” as in wet ? 🙂
@mamal – And that’s why she’s no longer your girlfriend isn’t she ? 🙂
Brother-in-law, langkah bendul ada pengerasnya..
@Isaac – “Normally these are the girls you find to be adorable at first & a pain later on”. I second this and now you say it, I just noticed it. Thanks for the compliment and do come again Isaac.
@Pegawai Khalwat – I need more than just “hang punya hipotesis tak bole pakai pada semua orang”
@Claire Bennet – Me no good at routines and no good at surprises also… 🙂
good one kc. what i focuses more in this particular writing after lama tak baca yours, is that ur grammar and ur language.. (hahaha me being a typical language BATIians)
@Emmy – Damn, I have to do a proofreading again 😀
Agree with Peg.khalwat.
You are only bullying the girl with this kind of thinking. I’m sure every girl on earth wants a gentleman (not mama boy!) rather than a male chauvinist. It is not about what he wants or what she wants in a relationship. How to harmonize and be tolerant to each other is matter the most.
I agree completely. Guys who are too nice can appear clingy.
I have a boyfriend who is attempting to solve all of my problems—problems ranging from cooking mishaps, to a broken pencil to difficult college homework. I’m the type of gal who likes to solve my own problems, and although it’s kind of him to want to help, I don’t want his help.
A week ago, I was stuck on an essay (at 9pm) that was due the very next morning. My BF and I usually run in the mornings, so I texted him and told him I wouldn’t run due to my paper not being done. He immediately said that he would come over to help me finish it … and it took me quite a while to convince him not to drive to my apartment just to help me work on the essay. (I work best alone, anyway).
I really love my BF … I just wish he could tone down the “solve all problems” mentality. I enjoy solving my own problems, and I don’t want a hero.